I co-signed on an apartment with my ex-boyfriend when I was 18 and he was 21. We broke up.

I am now 26 and it has been in collections for years. He refuses to help pay the debt. I am now stuck with the bills for the apartment and not in the financial situation to pay it off. He refuses to pay anything and I am not able to locate him.

What can be done in this situation? Is he liable for the rent? And how am I able to get him to pay?

The bottom line, Kodi, is that you made a poor choice and now have to pay the consequences for that poor choice. As adults, when we make a mistake, we have to write checks. The bigger the mistake, the larger the check.

After 8 years, you should have a fundamental understanding that things will not change with this ex-boyfriend. He may not be found, and even if he is, he will not pay any portion. Dragging him through some legal process will cause you to spend money and emotional capital for something that will yield no result. It is a complete waste of time.

So really you have two choices. The first is to pay the bills. Use typical collection clearing tactics. Negotiate what you owe down, make a lump sum payment using a throw away debit card or money order, and have it in writing that the bill is satisfied. Never make payments, never give them access to your checking account. Once that is done you can move on with your life and do great things. This will be a necessary step if you want to buy a home.

The second is to ignore the collectors. From the way that you ask the question this is your option right now. If I woke up in your shoes, I would concentrate on how I can earn more money to get this debt (and any other cleared). Until you have some cash, ready to pay these bills off, just earn.

This is a hurt that keeps on giving and echos into your future. The sooner you can get this behind you the better. It will be futile to get this dead beat to pay any portion of what he owes. Please learn from this mistake and try not to repeat it in the future. As gnasher said, the answer to every cosign question is "No". Also, take it a step further, never ask a loved one to cosign for you if you value the relationship.

The best answer I can give you from the information I have is:

1 Locate him

His adress, his workplace, his phone-number those things help.

2 Get an legal advisor

Someone familiar with your local law should be consulted. I know those people are expensive but a legal advice can be cheaper than paying all the rent yourself. Ask him if you can get out of the apartment contract somehow, and ask him if your ex is liable and how much he owns you. He might also be able to help you locate your ex.

3 Send him an ultimatum

Send him a letter (best with a registered letter, so he is not able to deny that he got the letter) with a neat summary of what you payed or will pay and what he is supposed to pay. Make a suggestion on what his monthly payment should be, if he starts to negotiate that would be good, so don't immendiately refuse it. But don't let him screw you over. Make it absolutely clear that if he doesn't pay legal steps will be taken. Write it formally correct, be polite and send a copy to yourself which you don't open (evidence for later steps).

4 Sue him

If nothing helps, he still refuses and your legal advisor thinks you'll have a chance. Then sue him. Most of the times this will do the trick and he will start to negotiate and will pay his part. If not you'll get it by force in front of a judge. Legal steps are not to be taken lightly but in a case like that it usually pays off since a few years of rent is a lot of money.

Lesson to everyone asking to cosign for anything: If you have the money and are willing to hand over the money, then give the person the money. If you are not willing to hand over the money, or you don't have the money, then don't hand over the money. NEVER EVER CO-SIGN.