How to write cleanly even if my character uses expletive language?












4















I'm writing a story that I'd like younger readers to pick up. I and they know and understand that some situations are far better expressed with one f-word than a thousand milder ones. I'm keeping my narrative clean, but when I write the dialogue, I don't know what to do.



Should I:




  1. describe, as in:



Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. Charlie exploded with profanity that pierced their mother's ears downstairs.





  1. or should I use made-up terms, such as frak from Battlestar Galactica:



Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. "FRAK" Charlie exploded. The eruption pierced their mother's ears downstairs.





  1. also, I could use a milder word like crap, shoot, and the likes.


  2. Alternatively, I could replace with a place holder, as in:




Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. "< EXPLETIVE >" Charlie exploded. The eruption pierced their mother's ears downstairs.




Note
I've read answers like this one ("you have to eat before you [deficate]".) But that waters down the expression a lot for what I want.










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  • 3





    Number one. Use your first choice.

    – DPT
    3 hours ago











  • In every situation? do you think I could work that in? The above is just an example. In fact, there is no door slamming in this story, yet.

    – mbadawi23
    3 hours ago






  • 1





    Write it, and keep looking around for additional ways to communicate it. "He yelled an expletive, and his mother said, "Grounded. no F-bombs under my roof." Keep at it. That's the nature of the game.

    – DPT
    3 hours ago
















4















I'm writing a story that I'd like younger readers to pick up. I and they know and understand that some situations are far better expressed with one f-word than a thousand milder ones. I'm keeping my narrative clean, but when I write the dialogue, I don't know what to do.



Should I:




  1. describe, as in:



Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. Charlie exploded with profanity that pierced their mother's ears downstairs.





  1. or should I use made-up terms, such as frak from Battlestar Galactica:



Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. "FRAK" Charlie exploded. The eruption pierced their mother's ears downstairs.





  1. also, I could use a milder word like crap, shoot, and the likes.


  2. Alternatively, I could replace with a place holder, as in:




Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. "< EXPLETIVE >" Charlie exploded. The eruption pierced their mother's ears downstairs.




Note
I've read answers like this one ("you have to eat before you [deficate]".) But that waters down the expression a lot for what I want.










share|improve this question









New contributor




mbadawi23 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
















  • 3





    Number one. Use your first choice.

    – DPT
    3 hours ago











  • In every situation? do you think I could work that in? The above is just an example. In fact, there is no door slamming in this story, yet.

    – mbadawi23
    3 hours ago






  • 1





    Write it, and keep looking around for additional ways to communicate it. "He yelled an expletive, and his mother said, "Grounded. no F-bombs under my roof." Keep at it. That's the nature of the game.

    – DPT
    3 hours ago














4












4








4








I'm writing a story that I'd like younger readers to pick up. I and they know and understand that some situations are far better expressed with one f-word than a thousand milder ones. I'm keeping my narrative clean, but when I write the dialogue, I don't know what to do.



Should I:




  1. describe, as in:



Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. Charlie exploded with profanity that pierced their mother's ears downstairs.





  1. or should I use made-up terms, such as frak from Battlestar Galactica:



Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. "FRAK" Charlie exploded. The eruption pierced their mother's ears downstairs.





  1. also, I could use a milder word like crap, shoot, and the likes.


  2. Alternatively, I could replace with a place holder, as in:




Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. "< EXPLETIVE >" Charlie exploded. The eruption pierced their mother's ears downstairs.




Note
I've read answers like this one ("you have to eat before you [deficate]".) But that waters down the expression a lot for what I want.










share|improve this question









New contributor




mbadawi23 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.












I'm writing a story that I'd like younger readers to pick up. I and they know and understand that some situations are far better expressed with one f-word than a thousand milder ones. I'm keeping my narrative clean, but when I write the dialogue, I don't know what to do.



Should I:




  1. describe, as in:



Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. Charlie exploded with profanity that pierced their mother's ears downstairs.





  1. or should I use made-up terms, such as frak from Battlestar Galactica:



Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. "FRAK" Charlie exploded. The eruption pierced their mother's ears downstairs.





  1. also, I could use a milder word like crap, shoot, and the likes.


  2. Alternatively, I could replace with a place holder, as in:




Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. "< EXPLETIVE >" Charlie exploded. The eruption pierced their mother's ears downstairs.




Note
I've read answers like this one ("you have to eat before you [deficate]".) But that waters down the expression a lot for what I want.







technique language profanity






share|improve this question









New contributor




mbadawi23 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.











share|improve this question









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Check out our Code of Conduct.









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share|improve this question








edited 3 hours ago







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asked 4 hours ago









mbadawi23mbadawi23

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mbadawi23 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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Check out our Code of Conduct.








  • 3





    Number one. Use your first choice.

    – DPT
    3 hours ago











  • In every situation? do you think I could work that in? The above is just an example. In fact, there is no door slamming in this story, yet.

    – mbadawi23
    3 hours ago






  • 1





    Write it, and keep looking around for additional ways to communicate it. "He yelled an expletive, and his mother said, "Grounded. no F-bombs under my roof." Keep at it. That's the nature of the game.

    – DPT
    3 hours ago














  • 3





    Number one. Use your first choice.

    – DPT
    3 hours ago











  • In every situation? do you think I could work that in? The above is just an example. In fact, there is no door slamming in this story, yet.

    – mbadawi23
    3 hours ago






  • 1





    Write it, and keep looking around for additional ways to communicate it. "He yelled an expletive, and his mother said, "Grounded. no F-bombs under my roof." Keep at it. That's the nature of the game.

    – DPT
    3 hours ago








3




3





Number one. Use your first choice.

– DPT
3 hours ago





Number one. Use your first choice.

– DPT
3 hours ago













In every situation? do you think I could work that in? The above is just an example. In fact, there is no door slamming in this story, yet.

– mbadawi23
3 hours ago





In every situation? do you think I could work that in? The above is just an example. In fact, there is no door slamming in this story, yet.

– mbadawi23
3 hours ago




1




1





Write it, and keep looking around for additional ways to communicate it. "He yelled an expletive, and his mother said, "Grounded. no F-bombs under my roof." Keep at it. That's the nature of the game.

– DPT
3 hours ago





Write it, and keep looking around for additional ways to communicate it. "He yelled an expletive, and his mother said, "Grounded. no F-bombs under my roof." Keep at it. That's the nature of the game.

– DPT
3 hours ago










2 Answers
2






active

oldest

votes


















11














Each usage has its place.



#1 is most commonly used in such situations. Even if you're not writing for children, you don't necessarily want every bit of cursing. Sometimes telling that the character used a strong word is enough, or even more effective, than actually spelling out what exactly he said.



#2 has place when you're writing for adults, who would know what you're hiding, but you still wish to keep a cleaner tongue. This solution only makes sense in speculative fiction - not in a story set in our here-and-now.



#3 might be in character for the person doing the cursing. Some people automatically resort to the milder words - that's how they've been raised, that's their natural vocabulary. If that is the case for the particular character, feel free to use it. Make sure it matches the rest of the characterisation though.



#4 if you use that, you are throwing the reader out of the immersion in your story. You are presenting the reader with a meta element - an in-story word has been visibly blacked-out outside. Terry Pratchett used this for comedic effect, with a hardened criminal who was literally saying '--ing' all the time. This is a tool you'd want to apply very carefully though, while being aware that you are throwing the reader out of the story - only do it if this is the deliberate effect you're seeking.






share|improve this answer
























  • deliberate effect, +1. OP should watch A Christmas Story.

    – Mazura
    1 hour ago



















4














Maybe you can use a spoonerism?



https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoonerism



However, I am not sure if there's any unintended effect it may have (it could make the excerpt unintentionally funny).



For example:




Instead of saying "F**k this!", your character could say: "Tuck
fhis!".




Check this example as a reference:




Similarly to the above example, "Buck Fama" is a popular slogan in the
(often contentious) rivalry between Louisiana State University and the
University of Alabama (commonly shortened to Bama). This slogan can be
heard very often from LSU fans.







share|improve this answer























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    2 Answers
    2






    active

    oldest

    votes








    2 Answers
    2






    active

    oldest

    votes









    active

    oldest

    votes






    active

    oldest

    votes









    11














    Each usage has its place.



    #1 is most commonly used in such situations. Even if you're not writing for children, you don't necessarily want every bit of cursing. Sometimes telling that the character used a strong word is enough, or even more effective, than actually spelling out what exactly he said.



    #2 has place when you're writing for adults, who would know what you're hiding, but you still wish to keep a cleaner tongue. This solution only makes sense in speculative fiction - not in a story set in our here-and-now.



    #3 might be in character for the person doing the cursing. Some people automatically resort to the milder words - that's how they've been raised, that's their natural vocabulary. If that is the case for the particular character, feel free to use it. Make sure it matches the rest of the characterisation though.



    #4 if you use that, you are throwing the reader out of the immersion in your story. You are presenting the reader with a meta element - an in-story word has been visibly blacked-out outside. Terry Pratchett used this for comedic effect, with a hardened criminal who was literally saying '--ing' all the time. This is a tool you'd want to apply very carefully though, while being aware that you are throwing the reader out of the story - only do it if this is the deliberate effect you're seeking.






    share|improve this answer
























    • deliberate effect, +1. OP should watch A Christmas Story.

      – Mazura
      1 hour ago
















    11














    Each usage has its place.



    #1 is most commonly used in such situations. Even if you're not writing for children, you don't necessarily want every bit of cursing. Sometimes telling that the character used a strong word is enough, or even more effective, than actually spelling out what exactly he said.



    #2 has place when you're writing for adults, who would know what you're hiding, but you still wish to keep a cleaner tongue. This solution only makes sense in speculative fiction - not in a story set in our here-and-now.



    #3 might be in character for the person doing the cursing. Some people automatically resort to the milder words - that's how they've been raised, that's their natural vocabulary. If that is the case for the particular character, feel free to use it. Make sure it matches the rest of the characterisation though.



    #4 if you use that, you are throwing the reader out of the immersion in your story. You are presenting the reader with a meta element - an in-story word has been visibly blacked-out outside. Terry Pratchett used this for comedic effect, with a hardened criminal who was literally saying '--ing' all the time. This is a tool you'd want to apply very carefully though, while being aware that you are throwing the reader out of the story - only do it if this is the deliberate effect you're seeking.






    share|improve this answer
























    • deliberate effect, +1. OP should watch A Christmas Story.

      – Mazura
      1 hour ago














    11












    11








    11







    Each usage has its place.



    #1 is most commonly used in such situations. Even if you're not writing for children, you don't necessarily want every bit of cursing. Sometimes telling that the character used a strong word is enough, or even more effective, than actually spelling out what exactly he said.



    #2 has place when you're writing for adults, who would know what you're hiding, but you still wish to keep a cleaner tongue. This solution only makes sense in speculative fiction - not in a story set in our here-and-now.



    #3 might be in character for the person doing the cursing. Some people automatically resort to the milder words - that's how they've been raised, that's their natural vocabulary. If that is the case for the particular character, feel free to use it. Make sure it matches the rest of the characterisation though.



    #4 if you use that, you are throwing the reader out of the immersion in your story. You are presenting the reader with a meta element - an in-story word has been visibly blacked-out outside. Terry Pratchett used this for comedic effect, with a hardened criminal who was literally saying '--ing' all the time. This is a tool you'd want to apply very carefully though, while being aware that you are throwing the reader out of the story - only do it if this is the deliberate effect you're seeking.






    share|improve this answer













    Each usage has its place.



    #1 is most commonly used in such situations. Even if you're not writing for children, you don't necessarily want every bit of cursing. Sometimes telling that the character used a strong word is enough, or even more effective, than actually spelling out what exactly he said.



    #2 has place when you're writing for adults, who would know what you're hiding, but you still wish to keep a cleaner tongue. This solution only makes sense in speculative fiction - not in a story set in our here-and-now.



    #3 might be in character for the person doing the cursing. Some people automatically resort to the milder words - that's how they've been raised, that's their natural vocabulary. If that is the case for the particular character, feel free to use it. Make sure it matches the rest of the characterisation though.



    #4 if you use that, you are throwing the reader out of the immersion in your story. You are presenting the reader with a meta element - an in-story word has been visibly blacked-out outside. Terry Pratchett used this for comedic effect, with a hardened criminal who was literally saying '--ing' all the time. This is a tool you'd want to apply very carefully though, while being aware that you are throwing the reader out of the story - only do it if this is the deliberate effect you're seeking.







    share|improve this answer












    share|improve this answer



    share|improve this answer










    answered 3 hours ago









    GalastelGalastel

    35.9k6108192




    35.9k6108192













    • deliberate effect, +1. OP should watch A Christmas Story.

      – Mazura
      1 hour ago



















    • deliberate effect, +1. OP should watch A Christmas Story.

      – Mazura
      1 hour ago

















    deliberate effect, +1. OP should watch A Christmas Story.

    – Mazura
    1 hour ago





    deliberate effect, +1. OP should watch A Christmas Story.

    – Mazura
    1 hour ago











    4














    Maybe you can use a spoonerism?



    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoonerism



    However, I am not sure if there's any unintended effect it may have (it could make the excerpt unintentionally funny).



    For example:




    Instead of saying "F**k this!", your character could say: "Tuck
    fhis!".




    Check this example as a reference:




    Similarly to the above example, "Buck Fama" is a popular slogan in the
    (often contentious) rivalry between Louisiana State University and the
    University of Alabama (commonly shortened to Bama). This slogan can be
    heard very often from LSU fans.







    share|improve this answer




























      4














      Maybe you can use a spoonerism?



      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoonerism



      However, I am not sure if there's any unintended effect it may have (it could make the excerpt unintentionally funny).



      For example:




      Instead of saying "F**k this!", your character could say: "Tuck
      fhis!".




      Check this example as a reference:




      Similarly to the above example, "Buck Fama" is a popular slogan in the
      (often contentious) rivalry between Louisiana State University and the
      University of Alabama (commonly shortened to Bama). This slogan can be
      heard very often from LSU fans.







      share|improve this answer


























        4












        4








        4







        Maybe you can use a spoonerism?



        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoonerism



        However, I am not sure if there's any unintended effect it may have (it could make the excerpt unintentionally funny).



        For example:




        Instead of saying "F**k this!", your character could say: "Tuck
        fhis!".




        Check this example as a reference:




        Similarly to the above example, "Buck Fama" is a popular slogan in the
        (often contentious) rivalry between Louisiana State University and the
        University of Alabama (commonly shortened to Bama). This slogan can be
        heard very often from LSU fans.







        share|improve this answer













        Maybe you can use a spoonerism?



        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoonerism



        However, I am not sure if there's any unintended effect it may have (it could make the excerpt unintentionally funny).



        For example:




        Instead of saying "F**k this!", your character could say: "Tuck
        fhis!".




        Check this example as a reference:




        Similarly to the above example, "Buck Fama" is a popular slogan in the
        (often contentious) rivalry between Louisiana State University and the
        University of Alabama (commonly shortened to Bama). This slogan can be
        heard very often from LSU fans.








        share|improve this answer












        share|improve this answer



        share|improve this answer










        answered 3 hours ago









        repomonsterrepomonster

        2,1041135




        2,1041135






















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